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Attack of the Fan Fic Authors
Chapter 3 - Harry meets English
By Bobmin
Harry and everyone
Harry meets English!
The anonymous fan fic author hunched over his keyboard and squinted at his computer monitor. He’d had a tough day at school. His English teacher was a real bitch, and he was tired of listening to her complain about his writing. It wasn’t like people couldn’t understand what he’d written, after all. Well, maybe she couldn’t, but she was old. Like, over thirty! What did she know about kids and how they talked to each other? He’d write this chapter just to show her that he could, too, write!
It was a dark and stormie nite.
The author frowned. That was so ordinary. He’d never catch anyone’s attention that way. Erasing the line, he started over.
The clouds were thik and it was raining pretty hard, too. It was dark, but that happends when clouds are that thik. Harry sat at his windo in the bois dormroom and staired at nothing. He flintched when Ron snorted and woke up.
"wassamatta, Harry," the read-head asked sleepyly.
"i don’t no," the boy-who-lived replied. "I tryed to sleep, but can’t."
Ron climed out of bed and sat next to Harry. "It isn’t your scare, is it?"
"no, that hasn’t hurt for a wile now."
"mayby you should go see ginny," Ron told him. "I know your havin sex with her. Mayby that will help you sleep."
"you no?" Harry asked, a littel surprised.
"yes. I herd her talking to hermione about it. ginny told her that you twist her into all sorts a strange positions. positions that would brake bones and stuff if this were real. why do you do that?"
"isn’t that what all virgins phantasize about when they think about sex?"
"virgins? but your havin sex with her!" ron said.
"yeah, but the author of this isn’t. he’s a virgin and thinks that’s how its done," harry told him.
The anonymous author flinched when the sound of a gun being cocked came from somewhere behind him. Spinning his chair around quickly, he found himself staring at the business end of a double-barreled shotgun. Looking up, he frowned at the dark haired woman who sighted down its length.
"Who the hell are you?" he shrieked.
"For anyone reading this drivel, I’m the Angel of Mercy, you little piss ant. This is what happens to those who refuse to listen to their English teachers," the woman snarled before pulling the trigger.
Bob’s jaw hit the table and he turned to look at Alyx. "What the hell?"
"Sorry, but I just couldn’t stand it anymore," she muttered, trying to tuck the shotgun behind her body.
"PMS much?" Bob asked her mildly.
"Shut it, Boyo, unless you want me to reload!"