Content Harry Potter
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Harry and everyone

Harry Crosses Over! The anonymous fan fic writer sat down at her desk and turned on her computer.  As it booted, she rubbed her hands together gleefully.  She’d always wanted to write a crossover fic, and now was her chance!  She opened her word processor and laughed manically as she began to type.

Harry...

The air was heavy and oppressive as thick, dark clouds scuttled across the sky, dropping their life giving rain upon the land.  The rumble of thunder and occasional flash and flicker of lightning could be seen from horizon to horizon.

The author frowned and thought about what she’d just written.  It was a little too flowery.  She wanted to tell her story, not paint a picture of the Scottish weather, for cryin’ out loud! She waffled for a bit before finally erasing the paragraph and starting over.

It was a dark and stormy night at Hogwarts, and most of the residents of the castle were tucked away in their warm common rooms, ignoring the weather.

"I don’t know what I’m supposed to do," a dejected Harry Potter told his two best friends as they stood on the Astronomy tower under a covered alcove, watching as the storm broke. "You’ve both heard the prophecy.  I don’t have any idea what ‘a power he knows not’ is."

"Are you supposed to?" Ron asked, puzzled.  "I mean, the prophecy does say ‘a power he knows not’, after all."

Harry looked at the redhead in disbelieve.

"A power that Voldemort knows not, Ron," Hermione said, rolling her eyes at her boyfriend.

"Oh.  Good thing I don’t have to face him.  I’d have fucked it up for sure," he replied, looking relieved.

"Why did I get stuck with the dumb one in this chapter?" Hermione muttered.

"It’s in the outline. Besides, you try being killed in two different chapters, and then brought back to life in this one.  It’ll really muddle your thinking," Ron replied with a shrug.

"Can we please get back to the problem?" Harry asked plaintively. "The prophecy says I’m supposed to kill Voldemort or be killed by him.  I’m just a kid.  I don’t have his experience or his power.  How am I supposed to kill him?"

"Maybe you’re not.  Maybe you die," offered Ron, his eyes wide.

"Not helping, Ron!  Really not helping," Hermione exclaimed, glaring at her dimwitted beau.

"Thanks Ron," Harry said, also glaring at Hermione’s dimwitted beau.

There was a flash of green light and all three teens spun around.  Before them floated a small being, somewhat resembling a house elf.  Its ears were pointed, its flesh was green and its eyes were large.

"Embrace not, your fear," the being said.  "To the dark side it leads."

"Who are you?" Harry asked.

"WHAT are you?" Ron added.

"And what the hell did you just say?" Hermione concluded with a scowl.

VOLDEMORT…

"How does he do it?" Voldemort asked angrily. His clothing still smoked from the many times his evil lairs had been blown up.  He and Wormtail had always managed to escape, however, badly singed, but unhurt.  "He’s a child!  A mere boy!  Yet he has escaped me every time I’ve faced him.  This is unacceptable."

Wormtail watched his lord pace and wrung his hands nervously.  He had no answers for the Dark Lord, so figured he couldn’t go wrong with keeping his mouth shut.

"Perhaps the answers we needed were in the prophecy," Bellatrix Lestrange offered without thinking.

Voldemort howled in rage and spun to face Bella. "A lot of fan fiction authors may have written you as my lover, but that won’t save you from my wrath, you insane bitch!" he screamed.  "Crucio!"

As Bella writhed in pain on the floor, the Dark Lord turned to Wormtail.  "Well?" he shouted at the cowering man.

"I…" Wormtail began.

A flash of red light raced through the room and both men turned quickly, their wands drawn.  Standing before them was a dark figure, wearing a cape and mask. Its appearance was menacing…or would have been if it weren’t wheezing.

"What is it?" Wormtail asked.

"I don’t know," Voldemort replied with a scowl.

"Give in to the dark side," the figure breathed heavily.  "Embrace your destiny."

"Dark side?  Buddy, in case you haven’t noticed, all of my sides are dark!" Voldemort said indignantly.

"He’s right," Wormtail added.  "They are."

"Oh, shut up!" Voldemort snarled at his lackey.  "And you," he exclaimed, pointing at the dark figure.  "Who the hell are you?"

"Tom, I am your father’s uncle’s roommate’s best friend’s second cousin, three times removed!" the dark figure replied, then it waited expectantly.

"Uh huh.  Look pal, I don’t want your genealogy, I simply want your name," the Dark Lord said, rolling his eyes.

"I am Darth Vader," the figure replied in disbelief. "Surely you’ve heard of me."

HARRY…

"Yoda, I am," the small house-elf like being said.  "In trouble, you are.  Help, I can."

"Yoda?  Never heard of you," Harry said, puzzled.

"Yoda? What kind of name is that?  And why aren’t you wearing a pillowcase like most of the other house elves?" Ron asked belligerently.

"Yoda?" Hermione exclaimed.  "No way!  From Star Wars?"

Harry and Ron whirled to face her.  "What?" they both asked

"Star Wars…it’s a muggle film.  But it’s only make believe," she explained.

"Oh, if it’s only make believe, then the green fellow doesn’t exist, right?" Ron asked, trying to figure it out.

"Shouldn’t exist," she corrected, her brow furled in puzzlement.

"Well, who was he and what was the film about?" Harry asked.

When Hermione opened her mouth to explain, Yoda tapped his cane against the stones.  "Little time, there is.  Much to do, we have," he said in irritation.

"Look, green boy," Ron began snidely.

"Much anger, you have," green boy said, tilting his head at Ron.  "Anger leads to hate, hate leads to fear, fear leads to the dark side."

"Hermione," Ron wailed plaintively.  "What the hell is it saying?"

"Honestly Ron, it’s not that hard to understand.  Right, Harry?" she asked.

"Well, to be truthful, I’m only catching about every third word," Harry said sheepishly, scratching his head and unable to meet her eyes.

She rolled her eyes.  "I shouldn’t be too upset, I suppose.  I was confused at first myself.  Basically, Yoda is saying that negative emotions lead to the dark side…to Voldemort, I suppose…and that he’s here to help you."

"Smart, this one is, nice tits she has," Yoda said, and then beamed at Hermione.

"Rub it in, why don’t you?" Ron muttered.

"The tits?" asked Harry eagerly.

"Look, this is nice and all, but I don’t honestly see how you can help me defeat Voldemort," Harry said despairingly.

Before Yoda could speak, another flash of green light lit up the tower.  Blinking way the spots before his eyes, Ron discovered another figure had joined them. 

"What the fuck?" he yelled, jumping back and nearly toppling over the tower’s rail.

Harry grabbed Ron and steadied him. When Hermione suddenly shrieked, he whipped around and nearly screamed like a little girl.

"What is it?" he cried out.

"It’s horrible, is what it is!" Ron exclaimed.

"Disturbing, it is," Yoda agreed, eyeing the thing before them.

Hermione tilted her head and thought for a moment.  "An Ent?" she muttered.

"Hoom, hom," the towering figure uttered.  "Fangorn, I am called.  There are those who also call me Treebeard."

"Oh, for Merlin’s sake!  First Star Wars and now The Lord of the Rings?" Hermione threw up her hands in disgust.

"Ents?  The Lord of the Rings?" Harry asked, confused.

"Another film," she told him. "Well actually, it was a book that they eventually made into a film.  Ents were one of the creatures the author came up with."

"So this bearded tree guy doesn’t exist either?" Ron asked, nervously eyeing the large, moss draped figure in front of them.

"Well, he shouldn’t," replied Hermione.

"Excuse me, Mr. Treebeard? Why are you here?" Harry asked, trying to be polite.

"To help, young human.  Though to be honest, I’m not sure how I can accomplish such a task.  We Ents are slow.  It takes us many years to make decisions…you humans are always so hasty.  Much like the hobbits I met recently.  I discovered two of them in my forest and thought they were orcs.  Not many come into my forest any more.  The trees, you see.  The trees do not like visitors, not since the cutting began."

As the Ent rambled on… and on…and ON, the Trio slid to the ground, where they leaned against each other, their eyes glazing over in boredom.  Yoda, still hovering, leaned his chin against the palm of his hand and eventually dozed off.

VOLDEMORT…

"What is it?" Wormtail shrieked.

"I don’t know!" cried Darth Vader.

The two were clutching each other in terror. They trembled and looked at Voldemort.

"It’s a fucking eye, you twits," he growled, glaring at the flaming eye before them.  "What in the name of all nine hells am I supposed to do with a flaming red eye?"

The eye flared more brightly. "I am the Dark Lord Sauron of Mordor," the eye proclaimed arrogantly.  "I am the greatest power of all Middle Earth!"

"Greatest power, eh?" Voldemort asked scathingly.  "And just what are you doing here?"

"I am here to help you defeat young Harry Potter.  Your list of allies grows thin, Tom Riddle.  Bow before me and I will lend you my strength," Sauron exclaimed.

"Uh huh, right.  Hold on just one moment, would you?"  Voldemort reached inside his robes and felt around his pockets for a moment.  "Ah yes, here we are," he said, drawing out a small bottle.  Unscrewing the top, he aimed it at the eye and gave it a squeeze.

As the fluid from the bottle made contact with the flaming eye, an unholy howling echoed off the walls around them, causing Wormtail and Vader to cringe back in fear.

The eye itself smoked and seemed to boil for several moments before disappearing all together.

"What was that, Master?" Wormtail asked, looking at Voldemort in awe.

"Clear Eyes," the Dark Lord said with a shrug, holding up the bottle.  "It gets the red out."

"In that case, maybe you should try it on your own eyes," Vader mumbled behind his mask.

"Watch it, buster.  That mask of yours won’t save you from my power," Voldemort growled.

HARRY…

"This is getting ridiculous!" Harry exclaimed, looking around at the crowd now gathered on the Astronomy tower.  There were people in masks, capes, tights, spandex, fedora’s and other fashion nightmares.  There wasn’t just people, either.  Some were creatures he’d never heard of before.

"There’s no need to fear…" a little dog yelled as it ran by.

"Underdog," Hermione murmured quietly.

"I don’t care what it is," Harry exclaimed loudly, "I just want it to go away!"

"Why Mr. Potter," a large blue…thing… said. "One would have thought you would be more grateful for the help."

"Now Hank, we can’t force him to accept our help," a beautiful redhead replied as she walked up to the blue thing and rested her hand on its shoulder.

"While undoubtedly true, Jean, I had expected Mr. Potter to behave better," came the rumbling reply.

Harry reached up and grabbed handfuls of his hair, pulling hard in frustration.  "Gaaaaa!" he yelled.

"Harry, calm down.  We’ll figure this out, I promise," Hermione said.

Ron eyed his best friend for a few moments before shaking his head.  "He’s losing it, Hermione.  Hey, since we’re on the Astronomy tower anyway, wanna shag?"

"Ronald!" Hermione exclaimed in disgust.

"What?  It’s expected," Ron said innocently.

VOLDEMORT…

"This is getting ridiculous," Voldemort shouted.  "Would you get that off your head?"

"I’m trying, Lord Voldemort," Vader said with some asperity. He tugged a few more times at the man stuck to his helmet before looking back at the Dark Lord hopelessly.

"Oh, for Gindelwald’s sake!  Sir," Voldemort growled at the man attached to Vader’s helmet, "who are you and what the hell are you doing?"

"Me?  Oh, this is so embarrassing. My name is Eric Lensherr, but I’m called Magneto. I’m a mutant and I have the power of magnetism…usually.  It seems to have gone wonky on me, however."

Voldemort scowled and, with a flick of his wand, sent the magnetic man flying across the room.  "I don’t have time for this sort of thing, Wormtail!  And where are all of these people coming from?"

He looked around the room, his red eyes burning with anger.  The crowd in the room was evil looking, and he had to admit that the tights and spandex looked rather intriguing, but he really didn’t have time to deal with them all.

"It’s the author’s fault, Master," Wormtail said knowingly.

"Fucking fanfic authors!" Voldemort snarled, looking up at the ceiling and shaking his fist.

HARRY…

"Come on, Harry.  This has worked in other chapters, it might work in this one," Hermione whispered.  "Snap out of it and help me with this crowd, would you?  That’s Voldemort’s lair.  If these people are here to help, they can help blow it up."

Harry blinked several times before focusing on the large house before him.  Voldemort. Yes, that was what this was all about.  He’d lost track of that somewhere along the way.  He turned and scowled at the large group behind him.  They were watching him quietly, awaiting his orders.

"Listen up, you lot," he whispered.  "The Dark Lord’s in there." He pointed at the house and waited for their nods.  "Go get him!" he ordered, turning loose the horde.

As the group of heroes surged forward towards the house, Hermione gaped stupidly.  Harry watched for a moment before turning around and walking a few feet away.  Leaning against a tree, he crossed his arms over his chest and waited.

"Nice," Ron commented, joining him.

"Thanks," Harry replied, grinning.

"But… you can’t do that," Hermione said fiercely.  "Honestly Harry, what are you thinking?  Voldemort is your problem, not theirs." She waved her hand at the rapidly retreating heroes.

"So?  They wanted to help, didn’t they?  I gave the order, they can crush the bastard," he said with a careless shrug.  "Come on, Hermione.  You know there are other fan fic authors out there who will make us do all sorts of dangerous stuff.  We might as well enjoy this while it lasts."

"Yeah, relax Hermione," Ron chortled as he pulled a Butterbeer out of his pack and passed it to Harry.

"Thanks, mate," Harry said, popping the cap and raising it high.  "To super-hero cross-overs and their authors."

"Here, here," Ron said cheerfully.

"This is going to look so bad in Hogwarts: A History!" Hermione exclaimed tearfully.

VOLDEMORT…

"They’re coming, Master," Wormtail shouted, bouncing from foot to foot while staring out the window.  "Potter must have gotten his own group of heroes.  There’s a whole horde of them!"

"It’s about fucking time," Voldemort exclaimed.  At Wormtail’s questioning look, he sighed.  "Now we can get rid of these idiots," he said, waving his hand around the room.

"Oh, I hadn’t thought of that," Wormtail said, frowning.  "Ah, Master?  Do you think we could keep Vader?  I rather like him…"

Voldemort snorted in disgust.  "No, you can’t.  Keep your freakish desires to yourself, you filthy worm."  Turning to the crowd, he cleared his throat and held up his hands.  "All right, you lot.  Harry Potter’s henchmen are on their way.  Go get them!"

A loud roar came from the crowd as they surged forward and out the door.  There was a collision or two in the rush, and not a few tight squeezes through the door as the group tried to exit, en masse, but they managed to get it sorted out on their own without too many injuries.  In a few short minutes, the room was blissfully quiet once more.

Voldemort sighed and looked around, finally noticing Wormtail gaping at him.  "What?" the Dark Lord asked in annoyance.

"‘Get them’?" Wormtail’s voice sounded strangled.

"Hey, if Potter can do it, so can I," Voldemort replied with a scowl.

When the first explosions were heard, the Dark Lord spun towards a window.  When the explosions were close enough to cause the house to tremble, he did what all intelligent Dark Lord’s do.  He fled.

Gathering his lone minion, he apparated away, but not before shaking his fist at the site of Harry Potter calmly drinking a Butterbeer.  "I’ll get you yet, Potter," he screeched loudly before disappearing.

HARRY…

"Told you it would work," Harry said smugly, looking over the now smoking ruins of the house. The heroes and villains had vanished with Voldemort’s departure.  Without a Dark Lord to fight or defend, there was no need for their services any longer.

"Best fight yet," Ron said, scratching his stomach lazily as he reclined against the tree.

"Come on, Hermione.  Join us for a Butterbeer," Harry said cajolingly.

"Bugger off," she said, pouting.

Quick Author’s Note:

As we’re sure you’ve realized at this point, this chapter was supposed to go further up in the story order.  However, this chapter took to stroll around my disk last night and couldn’t be found.  The little bugger came back from it’s walk-about this morning, and I had to make a few edits to it so it made a little more sense (it referenced something that happened in what was supposed to be the previous chapter). 

Anyway, Bob and I hope you enjoyed it.

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Author Notes:

Oops. What more than I say, but oops? :D