Sunrise Over Britain
By Bobmin
Because, if I am honest, I like your stories (errors and all) but your excessively snotty attitude to everyone else's writing just really pisses me off, and is something you should feel ashamed of.
Because, if I am honest, I like your stories (errors and all) but your excessively snotty attitude to everyone else's writing just really pisses me off, and is something you should feel ashamed of.
Because, if I am honest, I like your stories (errors and all) but your excessively snotty attitude to everyone else's writing just really pisses me off, and is something you should feel ashamed of.
“Now, I'm going to start dinner. Carry on, if you wish, thought you might want to ward the door,” he teased as he walked out. “The twins are due home and they don't need to see
that sort of thing.”
Remus snorted and tried to hold in a laugh. “Stop Harry? Be serious, Amelia. You might was well hope to stop the tide from coming in.
As long as you're going to pick apart the typos in everyones work, you may as well have them pointed out in you own. These two are from this chapter and if you read each sentence carefully you'll
find the errors. For instance, in the first, 'thought' should be 'though'. And in the second you simply put a 'w' on the front of the word 'as'. I did copy them directly from the chapter. I also
thought I'd say this isn't the only chapter. I usually find between three and five a chapter.
Hey if you're going to dish it you'd better be able to take it. Right?
Oh, and bravo to you for using the King to disolve the Wizengamot. I picked up a while ago that it appeared he would have the athority to do so, and wondered if you would.
Did you really kill Minerva? Bravo again. I'm shocked and hate it, but it stil deserves to be acknowledged as a brave stroke.
The first plain is the plain of spirits, that's where you go after you die to be jugged.
Who am I to comment about being jugged. Just don't jug these authors too harshly.
not only that, but isn't it "plane" of spirits?
I personally don't think a plane of spirits would be very plain, do you?
Love the works you two have put together for us fans!
J
Well this is an amazing story and I am glad I was recommended it. I'm just sorry it took me so long to review, but I got so into it. I especially like the fact that you have crippled Harry. It
quite nicely offsets his huge powers. The conflict in prophecy was also a very nice touch.
Now for the constructive criticism. I love how you have portrayed Hermione, and I think you have got her personality spot on. My only problem is that there are times when Hermione does something
stupid or lashes out in some way and Harry just rolls with it. There are times when I think Harry needs to push back a little, otherwise their relationship could have some pretty nasty bumps in the
long run. Hermione does tend to dominate him a little in some things. Although I admit that the bonds help and Hermione is beginning to overcome this fault of hers.
Second criticism. OK... I am not going to Britpick everything. Quite frankly I am sure if I was to write something based in America, I would get an awful lot wrong or messed up. There is one thing
though that is a personal pet peeve of mine, which I can't help but point out. It really is minor but I can't help it.
The monarch actually still has an awful lot of authority. They can't really exercise that authority in the current climate, but it is still there. Most of the Prime Minister's powers are devolved
from the monarch. Laws still have to have the monarchs approval to be passed, and probably most significantly, the monarch invites the government to form after the general election.
Like I said they can't really use their power, but it is still there. In the context of your story, when Britain has been overthrown, the government is in exile and the Queen sacrificed herself, I
imagine that the power and popularity of the monarchy would be significantly higher then what it is now.
In any event, it really is a minor fault on what is an incredible story. There have been times when I have been absolutely horrified; the nuclear bomb going off was one of those times, and the
complete destruction of a persons soul the other. Personally in some ways I found the second more terrifying, because there is something about just ceasing to exist that I can't reconcile.
I'm off to read the rest of the story now.
Cheers, for the excellent read!
Cap ;)
u a..hole...u kill off Minerva and i'll hunt u down and kill u off!!! haha
Well, I understand why Harry must have a weakness, but given the fact that key members of the Brotherhood regularly injury themselves far worse and still get full use of their extremities after a
few days, Harry and Terry (That rhymes) stand out as odd anomalies. Draco and Nev both injured their arms multiple times and had them repaired, if Harry's leg injury is that severe, then perhaps you
can flesh out the underlying cause (IE venom or some such) Realistically (it's fiction i know) If Ginny can use a switching spell to rearrange genitalia from two separate people, The army of healers
at Haven should be able to clone a new leg and switch it. But, that goes back to the age old question. Why is Vader more machine than man if Republic medical science had perfected cloning? Answer:
the plot called for it, and it was so.
Nice
This comes from all the authors' notes...at the end of chapter 22 were people really still rabbitting on about Harry's leg? It hurts him...moving on.
Minerva? You cold, cold people you...*sniffles* Couldn't you have offed Flitwick? Or Sprout? Sigh...Minerva it is...evil authors.
This comes from all the authors' notes...at the end of chapter 22 were people really still rabbitting on about Harry's leg? It hurts him...moving on.
Minerva? You cold, cold people you...*sniffles* Couldn't you have offed Flitwick? Or Sprout? Sigh...Minerva it is...evil authors.
how could you kill minnie now who is mickie going to sleep with lol
Is getting jugged what happens in those "gentlemen's clubs"?
What is Deneb’s grand plan?
Speaking of mistakes, may I discreetly point out the difference between keeping knowledge to yourself that may embarrass, or reveal someone elses secrets, and the discrete stages that you go
through in developing and fleshing out the plot lines of your fine stories.
Thanks again
And a blooper in this very chapter:
"Arthur heard the sound of furniture scrapping along the floor, then he felt two sets of arms steadying him."
I wonder that he didn't freak when the two sets of arms steadied him, perhaps thinking they were arms of violent furniture? (scraping has a long a, scrapping is a short a, and thus means
'fighting')
Otherwise, awesome chapter. And yes, you're mean for attacking Minerva like that, but as I'm behind on my reading, it's no biggie. ;-)
'I left a review pointing out the errors to the author. The reply was a simple “Bagger off!”'
... Maybe they meant "Badger off"??? (Badgers? We don't need no stinkin' badgers!)
you can't kill minerva? that's not fair!!!
Alright. Issues with the story.
Issue One:
Now, Harry has more power than God at this point. I recognize this. God could heal people. Ergo, Harry has a gimp leg why?
Issue Two:
Harry has more power than God. He is whipped by Hermione because?... Oh, and she just begins to grate on my nerves with the whole "Harry [i]ordered me to do what![/i]" thing. After the mass
fluffiness of the entire damn story.
Issue Three:
Harry is more powerful than God. Ergo, he suffers debilitating injuries in battle and has an angst-fest afterward. Error 0x0002 - Does Not Compute.
Issue Four:
It took some 18-20 Chapters to kill off Dumbledore. Not counting the prequel. Now, I don't know about you, but Harry warning the stupid bugger so many times and not acting makes him seem rather
impotent.
Issue Five:
Haven's military strength. They've had how long now to build up? And they still suffer mass losses every time they go into battle? Wow, they must really suck!
After all those, though, the story is alright. I like the political stuff, but Harry needs to finally do something with the overflowing amount of power he has. Like fix his leg and go kill some Death
Eaters in a brilliant bloody massacre without whiling about it afterwards or suffering crippling injuries. Or maybe the stupid Frenchies that are charging him for Dumble-dick's murder.
Alright, that's enough ranting from me. Later.
Issue one:
We get it, you don't like the story. That is what your back button is for. Please use it and go find yourself something you actually enjoy reading instead of forcing yourself to read a story you
don't like.
Issue two:
We really get it, you don't like the story. See our comments in issue one.
Issue three:
We've begun to think you don't like the story. Then why are you reading it?
Issue four:
It's come to our attention that you don't like our story. Might I recommend you find something else to read? Perhaps a newspaper or a good book.
Issue five:
Please see issues one through four. Rinse and repeat as needed.
End of reply.
*ahem* Pet peeve - people who use "plain" when they mean "plane". c.f. astral plane