Sunset Over Britain
By Bobmin
Pet peeves: Second line first word of the standard disclaimer "Snap" for "Snape." Also every time I see (not here) "loose" where "lose" is meant.
It looks like Dumbledore, who started out overly manipulative and vain, but not Dark, has gone over to the other side.
avada kedavra.
:)
I hope I finish this story today.
You keep the circle round :)
Thanks!
1.77245385 is the square root of pi....and on another note this is a bloody fantastic story
I heard about your fics from Harmony Podcast and the summary to Sunset Over Britain sounded so intriguing that I immediately began to read the fic. I would like to say that I'm really enjoying this fic, especially the disclaimer ad pet peeves section, I enjoy your sense of humor. Thank you for writing HP fics.
You know this chapter raised alot of questions but also answered some previous ones from earlier chapters.
For the previous you know exposed it to be Dean Thomas to be the latest Gryphindor traitor. Now for the current, will that Git ever get a clue that he CAN'T change the current history? (Which git? I
mean Dumbles.) Can't he ever be content he'll always have an animated portrait in Hogwarts to be a pest to Riddle? *look off to the nearby future* Dumbles portrait just calling up his and Riddles
past in the Head Office trying to call him 'my dear boy' and how Riddle can 'still turn to the Light...' Then Riddle using Dumbles portrait in ways of inovative torture for his DE's. *laughs* I must
say you two have me thinking. Ja ne!
I guess that answers the question as to whether Filius was going to be able to remove Dumbly's memory charm(s) and help Ron.
Good job with Harry's talk to Remus; you almost had me believing he was serious at first (I should've known better, considering your comments about HBP).
So another Killing Curse on Harry. Of course, he can't be dead, or the story would be over (and no sequel). Perhaps it was an illusion like with Draco.
Wasn't your Pet Peeve in the last chapter improper grammar mistakes that result in not testing your beta? Here is a mistake that I found in this chapters disclaimer:
Suddenly a machine barks and killing all on the stage.
Wrong tense!
That's the key point though, isn't it? The disclaimers and AN's are never beta read. They are the last things added to each chapter after it's been beta'd (which is mentioned in an AN for one of
the chapters, I think). Nice try, though. I'm sure if you really want to hunt through the beta'd portion of each chapter, you'll find a mistake or two that was missed. However, you'll miss out on a
lot of great fan fiction on the net if you spend all your free time hunting for them. And in the end, what does it get you? Not a lot, I'd wager.
I still don't think Ollivander is fully human, but I like him.
Minerva's appropriate punishment comment was on target. His last minutes would have been filled with terror.
So a half blood was supporting a half blood who preached pureblood superiority. Did anyone ever notice Voldemort sounds like Hitler. They both talk of a superior race, but neither would fit into
their own idea of superior race (or blood).
*wince* I as usual spoke before double checking my facts, please ignore my usual idiocy.(except for the avid reader part)
Just a minor note, I think Millicent should have said "I LOWERED the Acromantula Barrier." Rather then: "I raised the Acromantula barrier." Since raised is usually thought of as meaning activated
rather then deactivated.
Ever an avid fan,
Maleficus-lupus
What another other great chapter, I do love your Standard Disclaimer; they’re truly funny.
Great, Harry got Ollivander on his side, which should help a lot.
Ron the fucking ass, I know he is evil but how could he do that to his own sister. But at least he is dead.
Oh boy, Harry wasn’t happy to see a statue of himself, I wouldn’t either.
So, right after a rant against betas that don't spot errors I find this sentence in your story:
Suddenly a machine barks and killing all on the stage.
Uh?
I have also found several "his" for "this" and "to" for "too" and, AU as it might be, it still is a Potterverse fanfic where you consistently misspell "Fidelius" or "Occlumency."
http://www.hp-lexicon.org/magic/spells/spells_f.html#fidelius_charm
http://www.hp-lexicon.org/magic/occlumency.html
It is not that I don't agree with your criticisms, but this fic is far from free of those flaws you claim to hate. Straw in another's eye, and all that.
Alyx here. First, the Disclaimers aren't beta read. Neither are the AN's. They are the last thing added to the file before it's posted.
As for the "rant", we loath mistake laden stories, even our own. We've never said our stories are mistake free. We realize that they happen, no matter how many betas read the file. Hell, there are
mistakes in the works of published authors! They're a fact of life that authors and readers learn to live with.
With that said, we do think there is a difference between a file with 14,710 words that contains a handful of mistakes, versus a 2000 word file that contains 50-60 mistakes. Big difference there, and
that's what Bob was peeved about.
I hope that helps to clear up your confusion.
Bummer looks bad for the home team.
gunny
Tom Clancy books switch POVs on a regular basis from third person perspectives. Now, he opens new sections when he does so, and never changes within a section, but I have seen small sections of
two paragraphs or so where he switches back and forth.
Changing POVs are common activities in romance stories - not just lust in the leaves romance or gothic novels. Jane Austin changes POVs quite often in close romantic moments, but does so subtly in
those close times, and even more carefully in her less romantic moments - but she does it.
I am not sure there would be a more fitting way for Ron to die than by spiders. That Millicent did it is also quite clever and poetic.
Can we please hurt Dumbledore really bad? How appropriate that Snape be betrayed by him. I hope Snape knows it.
Just excellent!
"Besides, you’re grumpy one day a month, Tonks is downright frightening for five days each month."
You bad person. I'm at work and almost laughed like a crazy person. Course I am somewhat nuts working as a software engineer but hey! Probably shouldn't be reading this at work either but I'm
addicted and its boring watching the software chug through its 30 minute test.
Well, Ron's dead, Romany's dead, Harry is NOT dead, I'm sure of it, but where ahve he and McGonagall been portkeyed to? That's the question. Although he'll be able to Apparate them back to Hogwarts as soon as he wakes up...
I like Alan Rickman. He's hilarious in Dogma. When will Dumbles die?
Congratulations on having a story where Harry tries to become an Animagus, but can't. In every either story either he doesn't look into it, or Harry (and generally three quarters of the light-side cast) end up as animagi.