Sunset Over Britain
By Bobmin
Well, thanks for the move to correct the injustice done to Millicent Bullstrode.
As for stopping giants, turning the ground underfoot into quicksand can work pretty well, too - although your methods are more permanent.
Your example of "test your beta" should be revised to:
Luna was stumped for the first time in her life. She knew she had to cross the river to follow Ron, but couldn't get her feet wet. She quickly searched the riverbank and was surprised to find a rope;
tugging on the rope released a rowboat from the far shore, which glided magically across the river. With a very unladylike leap, she jumped into the rowboat for the trip to the other side.
Or something similar ;-)
on the beta note.... yours needs some work as well. nothing quite so terrible as your little examples, but there are some things that really should be fixed.
I totally agree with the "test your beta" statement, though I suggest testing your own as a mistake was made in the example paragraph towards the end of the author's notes.
One simply cannot use a comma before the word 'but'.
I can't resist. I just can't. In the sentence 'She quickly searched the riverbank and was surprised to find a rope, tugging on the rope released a rowboat from the far shore,' you have two
independent sentences joined by a comma. Because those two sentences can be separated intact, leaving two complete sentences, that comma should be a semi-colon. (And that--using the word 'sentence'
twice in the same 'sentence' is called 'echo.' Something to be avoided, especially with words that are unusual and eye-catching.
There is a article on CNN today that tells about two men who were fined over three thousand dollars and given a years' probation for correcting the grammar on a sign in --I believe--the Grand Canyon.
Where do I sign up?
The Heritage Thieves emptied out several galleries of priceless paintings and managed to make off with the HMS Victory, as well. Scotland Yard, with help from the Royal Navy and the Coast
Guard, were unable to locate the 2196 metric ton sailing ship anywhere in the area.
*rolls around laughing*
Once again, I find myself reading this story, for the nth time and loving it every bit as much as the first.
I did notice one thing in this chapter that struck me as a continuity error, something no one has commented on in the reviews, though perhaps it's been brought up in a discussion group.
My question is on this passage:
The figure turned to Lucius again. "Lucius Malfoy, as per the Hogwarts Charter of 983, signed by the four founders and the Ministry of Magic, Hogwarts and its environs are exempt from the Ministry's laws and influences. You have no authority within these walls to arrest anyone. Do not force me to remind you of what happened in our last encounter," said the figure ominously.
Now, my concern is,if the Charter forbids Ministry interference in matters that occur on Hogwarts' grounds, how was it that Ron faced criminal charges for his attempted rape of Hermione? I can
think of several possible loopholes, but any that occur to me that allow Ron's prosecution would also allow Draco's. Sorry to be nitpicky, especially about one of my all-time favorite SuperHarry
fics, but it just piqued my curiosity.
BTW, if I haven't commented on it before, I really admired the plot device of Harry's leg injury. Too often SuperHarry's 'Phenomenal Cosmic Powers!' are acquired without the requisite
'itty bitty living space' to balance them. Congratulations on managing it in a convincing manner.
Um, I think I like Minerva as Headmistress.
Good Chapter :)
Thanks!
I LOVED the mending of the 'broken' Rosetta Stone! Another great chapter.
BTW despite your story having been beta checked to a high standard I have noticed an occasional error of grammar and one or two Americanisms. If you would like an extra beta checker/nit picker I
would love to do that for you so e-mail me on jenifer1 at iinet dot net dot au (Please note: jenifer has only one 'n' and it is followed by the figure one not a lower case L or I )
...
Stealing the HMS Victory? Priceless. I cannot wait for the fallout when Hermione finds out what they've done :D
I am enjoying this story immensely, and can only bemoan the fact that my writing skills are not as good as yours.
Hmmm. 'Testing Beta's' makes alot of sense. Also Thank You for whomever gave the idea of doing your 'time line' as chapter breaks. It helps alot for no longer guessing what the date or countdown for the 'big show' to start. There are some writers who say they are in college doing English Majors for some sort. (Two who are both Austrialian and Canadian. No British or Americans that I've come across as of yet.) Those who like reading the British Slang and such are not offering the fact that they are British and can help in some way. (Well other than 'google search'. Google does offer that in their website under 'Slang terms' for British, American and Canadian for those out there that 'read the reviews' of others on a storyline like myself.) Take care.
Oh, the Weasleys' fixing things in the British Museum is just too much. . . . and then stealing a whole ship -- just great.
Tonk and Remus eating out was just obvious. But I guess some stupidity is necessary (just as Super Harry doing very little).
The Underground Railroad part was excellent; the scene shifts worked well.
Very clever with the change in the Ron-potion incident. It was finessed well.
'finished his chapter' -- finished this chapter??
'Now, make a bunch of errors in the paragraph ' -- uh, there are already several errors in the paragraph.
lol theres already an error in that paragraph
Luna was stumped for the first time in her life. She knew she had to jump over the river to follow Ron, but she also knew she couldn’t get her feet wet. ==She quickly searched the riverbank
and was surprised to find a rope, tugging on the rope released a rowboat from the far shore.== (grammatically incorrect)== The row boat glided magically across the river. With a very un-ladylike
leap, she jumped into the rowboat for the trip to the other side.
They repaired the Rosetta Stone! What else did they repair? (you have captured my interest again)
Caring and comfort speaks louder than the press.
Favorite lines: "A rude adult is a result of not being taught manners as a child" and “Hello, werewolf here! Heightened senses remember?”
The fools, trying to arrest Draco; whilst Harry is around, that isn’t going to happen. I like what Harry done to save Draco.
Poor Tonks and Moony, I hope they’ll be ok. Tonks is a fool to go out, and I understand why Harry acted like he did towards her.
Hi I've been reading this awesome story since monday and I figured I would review this chapter because some of the things you said made me laugh like when the Weasley's take the: Scotland Yard, with help from the Royal Navy and the Coast Guard, were unable to locate the 2196 metric ton sailing ship anywhere in the area. that made me laugh so hard I bout pee'd my pants, some of your Author Notes have also almost caused me to do the same thing, I know its supposed to be a Sirius story but I don't think I actually know how to be serious. I did however take your advice and I did join your wonderful yahoo group, such helpful people on it. Do keep up the good work, you two are great writers, you should think about writing your own book, just a thought.
Excellent, Excellent. Now, where are my nits? I have a sudden rge for picking them. X|
This story has been quite entertaining. I'm still not all that thrilled with how you've treated Ron and Molly in this story but it's not that big of a deal. However, I think your goal of creating a "believable" Harry and Hermione romance is in fact hampered by the way you've slaughtered Ron's and Molly's characters.
At some point in this chapter (Theivery, Surprises and Noodles) you refer to Prince Philip as the 'Prince Consort'. While this is a pretty accurate description, it's not his official title. Camilla Parker-Bowles, who married Prince Charles, will have the official title 'Princess Consort', but that's only because people objected to her one day being the Queen when she was Charles' mistress and broke up his marriage with the beloved Princess Diana. It's more usual to call Philip the Duke of Edinburgh.
