Sunrise Over Britain
Chapter 24 - Dangerous Dagger Dilemma
By Bobmin
Reviews
Ailishmckechnie posted a comment on Saturday 2nd December 2006 12:01pm for Chapter 24 - Dangerous Dagger Dilemma
Great chap. Great story over all, actually.
I hope you(so) are having as much fun writing it as we readers do reading it.
Ombra posted a comment on Friday 1st December 2006 11:11am for Chapter 24 - Dangerous Dagger Dilemma
Love the story and all the stuff you guys usually hear. However the story has been moving far too slowly, like tackling one big event at a time as of recent chapters however update rate is good for the quality delivered. If you're going to keep moving so slowly in terms of story line, and i realise that this is going to cause an uproar amongst readers, might i suggest more cliffhangers just to insure continued interest otherwise make the story more active. I guess what i'm saying is that recently we've had a lot of one big thing like royal visit or dumby's death in a single chapter to themselves while you see and on the side how much of an evil goat voldy is but with no real action. It has become to passive.
However passive , the story looks good so keep going
Thorfinna posted a comment on Friday 1st December 2006 6:06am for Chapter 24 - Dangerous Dagger Dilemma
sigh...
I've finished all your stories up to this point. I suppose I have to get back to work now.
Looking forward to reading more.
You are a sick and twisted couple.. just like most of my friends. Do I know you??
T
blind-phoenix posted a comment on Thursday 30th November 2006 9:31pm for Chapter 24 - Dangerous Dagger Dilemma
now this is disgusting! I'm enjoying this fic!
I'm going to complain about the fact there's nothing really to complain about.
nah, seriously, excellent work as always.
it's one thing to read fanfiction. but another entirely to be able to write it.
not only that, it takes talent to be able to captivate your readers as you've managed to do right from go to woe.
I only hope I can manage a feat such as this one day.
Erik Wiggins posted a comment on Thursday 30th November 2006 2:11pm for Chapter 24 - Dangerous Dagger Dilemma
Excellent, I got shivers over the dementor's knife. The way you had the evil raging kindof reminded me of the Exorcist. Great Chapter looking forward to your next!!
MasterKtulu posted a comment on Wednesday 29th November 2006 10:20am for Chapter 24 - Dangerous Dagger Dilemma
Alright! Alright! You caught me… I was bluffing about knowing Bob’s deep longings, sorry Alyx... And just for the record, I’m not the kind of person that looks through other people windows! Really I’m not! The thought never even crossed my mind… Well, there was that one incident… But that was taken care of years ago… Blast it all! I’ve said too much! Good chapter though, update soon.
igotbannedfroma2k posted a comment on Wednesday 29th November 2006 7:36am for Chapter 24 - Dangerous Dagger Dilemma
Thanks for updating!
Your new chapter was as good as always (but maybe not as good as the chapter when Dumbles died...I'd been waiting for that one)
Hope your Turkey gobbled and your stuffing stuffed!
~ALison
liquidfyre posted a comment on Tuesday 28th November 2006 7:46pm for Chapter 24 - Dangerous Dagger Dilemma
Okay in response to alyx's response
NOOOOOOOOO Dont leave it alone we want details gory details and video too much much video
*runs and hides before he can be vaporized in the disclaimer*
i was a lil confused by the guys review to be honest too most of it just seemed to be a stream of conciousness type thing i dunno but i think YOUR story is quite good so keep up the good work and when yall finish this one get another one started the quality of your work is good enough that yall should honestly find yer own world and right i would gladly buy the book if yall wrote it and that goes for most of the authors here as well
damn wall of text hehe ahh well yall take care and KEEP WRITING
Dale Dietzman posted a comment on Tuesday 28th November 2006 5:09am for Chapter 24 - Dangerous Dagger Dilemma
Another good Chapter, and no particular bad cliffie this time, to cause your new Computer to crash.
Let the fate of the last one be an object lesson to ya....the evilness of cliffies gets reflected back into the computers that creat them!
HitAndRun posted a comment on Monday 27th November 2006 6:37pm for Chapter 24 - Dangerous Dagger Dilemma
Hi again!
After abandoning this fic around chapter 16, I now came back and read the last few chapters to see if my pet peeves had solved out. Indeed they have!
Your writing style is still a bit slow, but at the same time there's so much info crammed in everywhere, I'm sure you must be wondering if there's not too much happening.
Harry's and Hermione's wedded bliss is annoying me a bit, still, because all though there has been ups and downs in their relationship, it is still not at the point which I call "normal". But, hey, they have a very mature and loving relationship, of the kind that I strive to achieve, so the only thing that irks me is that I'm not there yet.
However, the entire American-woman thing does bugg the HELL out of me. Do women really behave like this? I feel like I'm reading David Eddings all over again, and I gave up on him because (A) his characters were stereotypical and followed the same pattern all the time and (B) because of his extremely annoying female/male perspective. Yes, I'll admit that it is hilarious, when done right. But done wrong, or too much, it simply becomes tedious. You're on the line to tedious. I swear most men would get angry and annoyed if a woman did the "I'm a woman and I know best" or "Sush, big boy, let me take care of this" or "You can't understand this, you have a d**k!" things. I know my fiancé would sit me down to talk if that ever happened.
I don't know if I simply have a wierd way of looking at relationships, having done M/s and TakenInHand relationships, but to me that kind of behaviour takes away parts of the intimacy. And I know Harry and Hermione can't risk that right now, nor would they want to.
On the note of M/s: You've done a good job with Severus and his girl, showing her in a conflict between being insane, rebellious and veiwing him as her Master. The third person-speech is classical, and if you want to make her more submissive in the future, start sneaking in thrid person-speech even when she's talking to herself. It is very common among slaves/submissives. Does make me wonder what kind of experience you have... *looks michivously at Alyx* (You know, you must be good authors if your readers start to wonder about your sexlife) www.slaveregistry.com and www.RLslavery.com are good research pages for you. www.takeninhand.com and Talo's page about Internal Enslavement are others.
The characters are very vibrant in you writing, I enjoy that very much. Other authors seem not to notice that the characters are more then words on paper, but you to a good job on making them three-dimensional. Ginny is the one that's probably the most difficult to write, and the one that seems very stereotypical at times. Keep your eyes on the redhead!
You miss spellings on "your" and "you're" at times, but I have noticed that of late that has become very common, especially in American autors. (You're getting off the hook because you're American's - sheesh... I wonder what happens next...)
As a closing note, some tips for your disclimers:
Tie Snape up and have Luna torture him.
Make someone animate Dumbledore's corpse.
See what happens if you peel the skin of Lucius, an inch at the time.
Burn someone at a stake, while De Lion screams "witchhunt!".
Use the scenes from Wishmaster, especially the one where he asks a guy if he wants to escape - when the guys says "yes", the Djin puts him in a sealed tank, wearing a mental-care-sweater (you know what I mean); he then walks away with the words "houdini did it in under three minutes - let's see how well you'll do".
Make Crookshanks kill something(-one).
Flush Amy down a toilet.
Make Fred and George discover the pleasure of having female bits, with the help of Hagrid...
Ah... that should get you started... *dusts off shoulder* So, which one of you can I flirt with now? *smiles sweetly*
Bobmin356 replied:
Alyx here. This review was a little confusing for me. You never really said what your pet peeves were (although I might have missed themt, as it's very late here), but I'm glad they were resolved to your satisfaction.
We could have quicked the pace of the story and let many of our subplots fall by the way, but that's just lazy. There are a lot of things we came up with that we simply didn't put in the story because it would have slowed things down even more. But we're not willing to compromise our vision just to quicken the pace.
What is a "normal" relationship? I've never seen one, myself. No two are alike, and what works for one couple won't work for another.
American woman? I don't really know what you mean here. I can tell you that, as an American woman, I've never had any problems in dealing with men. As you have a background in M/s, I'm thinking you won't like the way the relationships in this story continue to evolve. I don't have a submissive bone in my body and the only character I've ever written that way is Snape's slave. But if you enjoy reading about submissive women, I can tell you that you won't like where that "relationship" ends up.
As for our sex life...er...*Cough* Yeah, we'll just leave that one alone :D
We do our best to try to make the characters something more than just words on a screen. Giving them flaws or letting them make mistakes helps bring a bit of realism to them, we think.
LOL! Don't let me off on miss spellings just because I'm an American. I can assure you, I have several teachers and professors who, if they read this, would be lining up to smack me around for my mistakes! Things slip past in the editing process, only because *I* know what's supposed to be there, so my eyes sort of slip right over the mistakes. It's annoying, let me tell you!
In any case, thanks for the review! While I'm not sure what peeves we've addressed, I can tell you that much of the stuff you don't like about our story will probably continue. Feel free to walk away from it if you want, though. There are plenty of other authors out there who might be better able to meet your needs, including some here on FFA.net!
~Alyx~
photobug33 posted a comment on Monday 27th November 2006 3:37pm for Chapter 24 - Dangerous Dagger Dilemma
was there a little bit of vulcan language within the ritual with the evil dagger?
I'm enjoying your little project immensely keep up the good work.
lbfan posted a comment on Monday 27th November 2006 2:33pm for Chapter 24 - Dangerous Dagger Dilemma
Using our beloved author JKR in the disclaimer was bad form. Is nothing sacrid?
Alex00 posted a comment on Monday 27th November 2006 11:25am for Chapter 24 - Dangerous Dagger Dilemma
Great work.
rippergirl posted a comment on Monday 27th November 2006 10:27am for Chapter 24 - Dangerous Dagger Dilemma
I was just thinking the other day that it would be awesome to see an update on this story and what happens it came true! I think I need a million dollars. Damn didn't work. On with the review. Glad to see Peeves is allright. I didn't think he was dead but I'm glad that he wasn't. Glad to see that Minerva is ok as well. Nice to see Moldyshorts make a boo boo. Hope everything goes ok on the trip to France as well. Can't wait till next chappie. And I gues if Bob's got a newer, faster computer that would be here even quicker eh.
scott2 posted a comment on Monday 27th November 2006 9:38am for Chapter 24 - Dangerous Dagger Dilemma
enjoyable as always but not enough luna for my tastes :)
lelila posted a comment on Monday 27th November 2006 9:13am for Chapter 24 - Dangerous Dagger Dilemma
well written, well edited and it's an awesome story. i can't really ask for more.
nice to see that u didn't kill off minerva. i didn't think u would but it gets iffy what u people will and will not do sometimes. also glad to see peeves isn't gone. he's way too much fun to take out of the story. and he brough reinforcements. ooh, the trouble they will cause. will they all stay once the war is over or will they all leave?
it's nice to see ginny and neville really stepping up to things. each couple's got their own thing going. will we see more of the others' powers? did they all get nifty talents with their power boost?
orla will cause trouble for the brotherhood, won't she, with that i'm insane and killed people thing with that evil dagger. i imagine politics demand that her imprisonment be used for evil means. at least she's crazy and won't know. i feel bad for her, really.
i really hope ahmar dies a really horrible death. he's downright annoying really. have the house elves cut him and cook into sausage that's fed to the pigs but that might be cruel to the pigs.
that's all. i await for my fix of the next chapter.
Sophophobia posted a comment on Monday 27th November 2006 8:53am for Chapter 24 - Dangerous Dagger Dilemma
My thanksgiving was very good, thanks.
Er, by the way, i'd just like to point this out:
"Neville Longbottom is here to see you, Minister."
"Thank you, Rose. Please send him him ," Amelia replied, smiling at her secretary.
-Sopho
:)
jessiepp posted a comment on Monday 27th November 2006 8:31am for Chapter 24 - Dangerous Dagger Dilemma
hey what is up guys good job. i like the story so far. the way you guys discribe stuff like the spells and such is really good and for me since i am blind i can picture it in my mind more clearly. if you want to email me jessiepp@bellsouth.net and on skype jessie and msn hernandez_jessie@hotmail.com
James13 posted a comment on Monday 27th November 2006 8:29am for Chapter 24 - Dangerous Dagger Dilemma
Oi, thank god I got my fix of Potterverse. This has to be one of my favorite fics out there and not only is it epic, dare I say it's WELL written and very well edited.
Well polished and good work. Writers like you are the reason why I even bother to check the net for well written stories.
Cheers
IceBlades posted a comment on Saturday 2nd December 2006 12:16pm for Chapter 24 - Dangerous Dagger Dilemma