radar posted a comment on Saturday 10th June 2006 11:21am

wonderful story, finally caught up with everything. I'm really enjoying how eveything works in tandem with everything else. One of person pet peeves is leaving things untied at the end, and there are very little if anything that I can see left without closure. I'm still not entirely convinced that Ron is dead, because part of me wants to just see some freaky dead zombie Ron kickin' ass, everyones from Voldemort to Harry it'd be funny.

Shawn Pickett posted a comment on Saturday 10th June 2006 10:50am

Nice chapter, thank you. I found it interesting the way you decided to finally solidify (I guess)the bond between Harry and Hermione, it was a bit rash and impulsive for her, but I have a feeling as time goes on, it will prove to bear interesting fruits. The assault on Azkaban was brilliant a very good job all around, and again, thank you for a wonderfull read.

Haeton posted a comment on Saturday 10th June 2006 10:46am

Very nice chapter, I thoroughly enjoyed this move toward reclaiming Britain.

Damon Ring posted a comment on Saturday 10th June 2006 10:22am

Another fantastic chapter, especially liked the part where Neville's Company is a little too close to the rocket barrage.

Being someone who has actually been shelled (and not by my own side) i found it quite refreshing that an author (or authors) captured the confusion that follows such an event. You really DON'T know whats happening beyond your own tiny piece of the battlefield.

Anyway great new chapter, as always, hope everyone is well, no more critter bites etc.

Damon Ring
the_madcap_magician

Rob2 posted a comment on Saturday 10th June 2006 9:43am

For starters, first and foremost, thank you for the reply. Dialogue is a lovely thing, and too often when you speak to writers about their writing they take major offense, question the involvement of your ancestors in pro-genocidal organizations, and offer expletives as conversation. Obviously I do appreciate your response, and an attempt to clarify your position on the comments I made. I feel that perhaps some of them were taken in a manner that suggests I was unclear about them, and so I'll attempt to rephrase them and hopefully clarify my own position. I shall leave a note to myself not to finish composing reviews at 1 in the morning; it doesn't even sound like me, and was - in my opinion - overly critical. The only things that should ever be done at 1 in the morning are finishing a chapter, having sex, and sleeping (for a more-exciting 1AM, try combining one or more of these).

On a side note, the time between leaving a marginally critical review and the next update has set bells off in my head. I must attempt to leave another and see if it results in an another update. If the correlation exists, for lack of a better term - I should think I would be splendiforously excited.

Please forgive the broken-up nature of this response to a response, as I'm going to do my best to respond to all that you've said. Also excuse my tendency to babble on; succinct is neither my middle name nor a name periodically used to describe me. You might notice I say everything twice; it's a habit that I have. My repeating tendency is just something that has creeped into my everyday life.

To Bob, first: I'm sorry if this seems like a chapter out of the 'you write Harry as too powerful' saga - I've read a fair chunk of your reviews, and I'm sure you've brought it up once or twice in the chapters; I definately don't want to open that end of debate with you - it's entirely your preference, and frankly, I like your portrayal of Harry as distinctly seperate from the weakling from book six. It seems to me that JKR has done something of an about-face: we see Harry being quite powerful, or at least powerful in the sense that she ascribes in book 3, when he drives many dementors away with a charm far beyond his level; in book 6, Harry has the same sort of impetus as he does in book 3 (crazed things are out to kill him) yet he does not attack the knowledge of how to defend himself with nearly the same zeal as he does in the earlier books. Harry goes from being powerful because he attempts to learn to being doomed for failure because he refuses to listen, read, or otherwise glean any knowledge in efforts to protect himself against the most sadistic wizard Britain has seen in a half-century. I like the prospect of Harry being powerful, even over-powerful, please don't mistake me in that I am wanting to open that avenue for exploration.

I mean when I discuss about the 'wonderful magics and amazing feats' not that they are too ridiculously advanced and horribly implausible, but rather that they are so sudden a departure from the experience we have had with Miss Rowling that they come off as extreme in the sense that to see one person alone with such power and advanced magic is hard enough to believe in the context of the world with the magic being believable. What I argue is not that Harry is too powerful, but that the magic, leaping from spells to close and lock doors to spells to destroy a third of an island is so rapid a jump from tame to extreme that one - at least, I - have a hard time saying 'well, okay, if magic existed such as this, it is plausible that a person would be able to perform this task; I therefore may continue to believe that this world exists and follows a line which is not too radical a shift for myself to comprehend and thus discard the story as being not consistent.'

In layman's terms, I guess what I'm saying is that your magic is so advanced, and has become so advanced so quickly that the story doesn't hold up my belief of it being possible. Few and far-between demonstrations of outrageous power is fine, but when you have Harry doing X and Luna doing Y and Draco doing Z... and they're all actions that make me say 'wow', I get 'wow'ed out and the wow ceases to be a 'wow' but a 'meh, this has been done before, if he can do this, why can't he do that and win easier?' I don't comment on stepping outside of the bounds by JKR, but the bounds of believability.

You're not by yourself in this issue, and, y'know, it's something that I struggle with as well - how does one teach Harry occlumency when he's shown no talent for it beforehand, and then suddenly have him learn it over the summer? Keeping things plausible is a bitching hard task, excuse my language, and although I continue to read (and enjoy, for the most part) your story, I can't really find the aspect of art-imitating-life in it that keeps it real enough that I may continue to relate to it.

I think part of this is my own demand for limitations on magic that make it believable. Classically, you look at the standard example of magic, and you see the two limitations being 1) You can't raise the dead, 2) You can't make someone fall in love with you truly, and 3) You can't mess with time. I'd say ironically - but it's really not, it's common sense to an extent - most works of fiction that have these limitations have the conflict of the protagonist against these limitations - he loves the girl, or his father died, or he needs to do something that alters the past. It not only keeps it believable but it creates part of the conflict, the unresolvable hitch that requires him to find an alternate solution and thusly grow - to have the knowledge that even though the rules prevent it, he found a way to deal with the issue. If you have a library card and a couple of hours, head down to the library and pick up 'The Rivan Codex' by David Eddings. I'm not suggesting you take tips from him or even read his series (frankly, I find his sci-fantasy to be a bit formulaic and bland) but he does include an interesting note on the limitation of magic to accomplish realism, which I don't entirely endorse but it is interesting if you've got the time.

I recognize you're using the ritual as a limiter in itself, but it's not a universal limiter, and perhaps that's where I feel the objection stemming from. Harry can still destroy half an island if he's not fighting Voldemort. The huge power isn't tempered by anything; there's no conflict behind using the power against Death Eaters, and this essentially gives Harry free reign when he's not inside Voldemort's influence. Not that you should change this, but to throw an idea out that would make it more believable for me, even if it is more convoluted is that the dark mark, is, in essence, Voldemort's presence among the bearer. By having Harry feel a small pang of pain as he kills a small part of Voldemort, you limit his power in that he can't just draw up runestones to kill all Death Eaters at once as it would kill him too. What I advocate - again, not for this novel, but for future novels) is allowing the huge amount of power, but have a system of checks and balances that limit what he can do with it against certain people. Conversely, have him get too powerful, and have him nearly burn out his own magical core such that he nearly dies if he overdraws. Limiting not the power that he has but the way in which he can unrestrainedly use it is what I strike at here.

Towards your disappointment in HBP: It's reassuring to hear that the equivalence of celebrities in this fandom think the book was frustrating too. When you're a nobody, you tend to get accused of being a H/Hr shipper (even if you're not!) and dismissed from allowing to express your opinion. The glorified 'treasure hunt' that awaits us in book seven, as you put it quite aptly, has many possibilities for surprises and about-faces, and I hope Ms. Rowling rereads her first few books and attempts to reprise her writing from that time period that has hooked us all, despite recent attempts to dislodge us. I only pray I don't make a shrine to Harry in my closet after he dies, may my dignity reach over and smack me across the head.

To Alyx (and a bit to Bob, as well): I apologise for being horribly unclear (as I reread this part of my review, I'm appaled that I would say something to this extent!), and I don't mean that you should write like JKR (I'm rather happy you don't, and as I've said, I do like your writing style (my eyes being the exception after about 30K words). What I meant about being a naturalized JKR is that the suspension of disbelief doesn't happen sometimes and that it reads like it's not Harry Potter anymore. Personally, you two write smack-dab in the middle of my favorite genre, which is the powerful, less-wimpy Harry genre, and I appreciate your work - God, I attribute my being so deeply engrossed in this community to your writing! Half-Baked Plot (or Horribly-bad Piece or any of the less-appropriate renames, which ever kills your Snape) was rough to read and hard to accept, I'll agree wholeheartedly - but what I meant is that your fic, although written in the Potter universe reads more like it is split from it because it is so extremely different from it. Your writing is stellar, and I mean that in all honesty - but I think I would have less time believing this if you pulled it out, changed the names, a few minor details, the mechanics, maybe added a short prequel... and sold it as its own series. The point I'm trying to get across is that it's so fantastically marvelous, but it's also fantastically different from JKR's to the extent that it doesn't seem like Harry Potter if not for the names.

As an aspiring professional writer, I am so glad to hear (and yes, I have heard it before) that you do this only for your own pleasure - secretly, probably most notably because I really, really, really never hope to have to compete against you with a publisher, but also because it is refreshing to hear about someone who writes purely for the pleasure of creating the universe. I can't admit to having the same purity-of-heart, as I really like money and tend to daydream about spreading messages of world peace among legions of adoring fans, but I definately don't want to put you down on writing purely for the joy in it. I really worry (being the worrying kind of person) that you take this too personally (what writer doesn't?) when really all I want to say is 'Thanks for the great read, if you want to hook me even more next time, here's what you might consider.' I've always had a huge passion, moreso than anything else in my life for storytelling, not only writing but storytelling, and you two tell a damn fine story. I don't want to put you down - and I realise now, by rereading my last review that I came off very strong towards that end. I merely want to suggest things that I - and take this for what it is, I alone - would find helpful towards making your story hold on to me stronger.

If you're happy with your work, I'm very glad. I really hope you see this response not as a 'well, you read everything wrong I said' or a 'You don't address my issues with your work', but rather an invitation for a further open dialogue on both your works, my work (because it's no fair if I get to critique yours and you're not allowed to read mine), and writing in general. It's really quite an honor to be able to discuss without ad hominem attacks resulting with two writers as accomplished as you are, and I would love to continue this discussion as I'm sure it will give me (and hopefully yourselves) further insight into a medium that we obviously both enjoy.

I hope you can glean my email address from my reviewer name, but I'm not overly familiar with the system that Jeconais has set up. If not, I'll drop a line eventually on your Yahoo group.

Cheers, and hoping that you'd be just as willing to respond and discuss freely,

Le Rob

Postscript: Congrats on another chapter, and good writing :).

Meghan posted a comment on Saturday 10th June 2006 8:45am

Another amazing chapter from you both. Though saying it was your longest chapter in the author's notes was redundant. lol ;D What a wonderful way to spend the quiet hours in a day! I'm looking forward to Harry surprising everybody once again. I also think it would be interesting to read another news report from an abroad country looking in on all the mess going on with Britain. Or maybe even a televised report from a Magic Channel. :P I can't think of anything else to say other than that it's always sad to get to an end of one of your chapters because that means I must wait a month or so for the next one. Wishing you both happy writing and happy days.

Muirnin Cocan posted a comment on Saturday 10th June 2006 8:26am

Absolutely brilliant chapter!!!

I do miss Crookshanks... and Hedwig... believe it or not... so I am writing a jigger called Crookshanks - A History (based in part on the fact that we had kittens here and one of them looks just like Crookshanks and Rose named it so ...) Coming to a Muirnin's Musings near you soon... *LOL*

I would deliver you donuts but you know how much I detest Idaho after my car accident 2 years ago even though it's not that far from Provo! I think Idaho is out to get me! I know Utah is...

I can't wait to get to read a new chapter, this is truely one of the best series out there and Dan's explaination to Remus as to why he was delegated to the boat rather than to one of the 'companies' was splendid... really made Moony think that he was protecting Harry's most priceless treasure.

Alyx needs more imput in this story... if she comes up with stuff like the interlude between Millie and Minnie... that was delightful... Perhaps they have a new came Kitty/Falcon tag...

Take care to you both, hope you are feeling much better and didn't get too wet from all the rain we got hit with down here

As Always,
Muirnin - who has her own brand new forum http://muirnin.life-less-ordinary.com/index.php

Christina C. Keimig posted a comment on Saturday 10th June 2006 8:04am

This was great! You did a wonderful job describing the battle. I look forward to the next installment. Yes, I know this was early, but that doesn't mean I won't be impatient for chapter 13.

UdderPD posted a comment on Saturday 10th June 2006 7:01am

Another excellent chapter.

Whats with the Doughnuts? I thought that in Potterverse they were called Cauldron Cakes?

rippergirl posted a comment on Saturday 10th June 2006 6:30am

Crap I can't believe I forgot to mention the prank Ginny and Neville played on the twins. I hope somebody got pictures to use as blackmail against the boys in the future.

Ruth posted a comment on Saturday 10th June 2006 6:27am

Well done guys, loving big bld Neville, always knew e'd get there. Thanks for another great read.

rippergirl posted a comment on Saturday 10th June 2006 6:26am

Loved it!! But of course you already knew that seeing as I have pretty much said the exact same thing after every chapter. Glad to see that you did update sooner. I love going to check my email and seeing that there is another chapter update from you guys. I get so excited! Anyways back to the review. Can't wait to see what Voldy's going to do after teh attack on Azkaban. Anyways read these reviews quickly and get back to posting the next chapter as soon as you can! :)

Deborahsu posted a comment on Saturday 10th June 2006 6:26am

I'm enjoying your story and wait impatiently for the next installment. This is VERY different from any other HP fanfic I've read. I still have trouble believing that Ron turned bad! Even though it was built on previous behavior ... and you do make it work. BTW, I agree wholeheartedly with your opinion of the official book 6. A waste of paper, doesn't logically follow what came before, and leaves little for the future. Your version is much better! :-)

Badger-dude posted a comment on Saturday 10th June 2006 6:24am

Gd chapter :D

Evan Mayerle posted a comment on Saturday 10th June 2006 6:02am

Well worth the wait. The battle scenes were realistic and I expect Harry and company to learn a lot from this action; I'm sure the Death Eaters will, too, but there's a certain attitude there that probably precludes their learning as much as they could.

Anon-e-mouse posted a comment on Saturday 10th June 2006 5:38am

I love your story!

for some reason I've always had azkaban off the north east coast of Britain (in the north sea), I'll have to check up on that.

anyway, can't be bothered to find ur address or send donuts to u, so this will have to suffice :)

Serendipity posted a comment on Saturday 10th June 2006 4:03am

Whee! I hope you have Voldemort having an absolute tantrum in the next chapter...

Cheers,
~*~LIZ

Kristina posted a comment on Saturday 10th June 2006 4:01am

Well done guys, it was really good! Update soon!

p.s. will we hear more from dumbledore??

Draymon posted a comment on Saturday 10th June 2006 3:35am

excellent flow, great combat scene Keep up the good work!!!!

One question. Is Amy related to Kenny???? :P

Scott Sakraida posted a comment on Saturday 10th June 2006 2:47am

This was a great chapter. finally a good battle sequence that i knew that had to be coming. I have a feeling the story is gonna get more violent from here on in, good. Scott