immortal7 posted a comment on Thursday 24th January 2008 4:48pm for Chapter 7 - Year Seven Summer

I find the story enjoyable. I'm a lousy reviewer so I'll leave it at that. In fact i enjoy all your stories. I jsut have one question. Was it intentional that your Quibbler articles have a slight feel of the Quibbler articles from 'Make a Wish'. well till the next chapter later.

scribbler posted a comment on Wednesday 23rd January 2008 12:29pm for Chapter 7 - Year Seven Summer

I don't even know where to begin, really. This is one of the most entertaining and amazing stories I've ever read. It's absolutely and completely on par with Miss_AnnThropic's VOX CORPORIS and JECONAIS' "White Knight, Grey Queen". More - your story has humor, depth, brilliant details, and is amazingly well thought out. I'm stunned that I've never come across it before...but completely and totally grateful that I had a full day to burn to read it.

I have a few comments to make - details, mostly, that I should mention. ONE - A PERSON IS GRADUATED FROM an organization. It is written (in correct English) "I was graduated from" such-and-such a place. Remember - it is the ORGANIZATION that graduates you...and not you, from it.

I also noticed that you have several dangling modifiers in your writing and you need some work with commas, to distinguish your subordinated clauses.

Stylistically - I have a small bone to pick that is purely one of preference: You talk about what Hermione is wearing, but only loosely. One of the things that works to increase eroticism in a scene, without amp'ing up the smut quotient, is to work on your descriptions. I am thinking, particularly, of what Hermione wears and *how* she wears said items.

When they first make love, for instance, you talk about Hermione's nighty...without describing how it hangs on her body or what it might reveal. What is Hermione's body like? shaved? not? are there scars? (there should be, based on the books). Are her ears pierced? nipples? belly-button? Tattoos? All those things make a difference. You mention her all-over tan - nice point by the way - but you don't talk about Harry's (and how much of Harry she saw or didn't see when they were tanning like that).

Also - you talk about the magic-sharing ritual, but you didn't mention whether Harry and Hermione performed it before they made love. If they didn't, are they going to do so? I would have thought that it would have been top of the list of things-to-do.

Also - will Tonks and Remus do the ritual? will they get married during when they're teaching at Hogwarts? (that would be very cool).

I've rambled on long enough - but I have to say...THANK YOU. You've done a great....nay, AMAZING job with this story and I'm completely captivated by it.

When you get this, please email me privately, because I have a few more questions I'd like to tackle off-line.

Regards,

the_scribbler
the_scribbler@shadowgard.comemail

lilly_kris@yahoo.com posted a comment on Saturday 19th January 2008 7:32am for Chapter 7 - Year Seven Summer

I have never left a review before on the almost many hundreds of stories I have read, but this chapter deserves it! This chapter had a little bit of everything! Comedy, drama, love and pain. Which reminds me of my life, lol. The last part is my favorite with Minister Bones finally being clued in and accepting anything and everything that Harry/Evan requires.

I usually only read completed stories but the first chapter really hooked, to keep checking back for updates :) (I have read this story 3 times and may do a 4th reading)

SlytherinSlayer21 posted a comment on Friday 18th January 2008 7:56am for Chapter 7 - Year Seven Summer

please write more

hobbsing posted a comment on Thursday 17th January 2008 2:26pm for Chapter 7 - Year Seven Summer

I am really getting into the emotional, but not sissy Harry. I really like that your Hermione isnt too bookish and over-riding Harry all of the time.
I would like to ask Bob to loan me the better half, my teenager needs "re-educated" after getting angry and breaking my laptop. I hate getting updates 3 chapters at a time. Can teenagers be returned for a refund?

DarkRoot posted a comment on Sunday 13th January 2008 10:49pm for Chapter 7 - Year Seven Summer

Greetings form Germany! I like this story, really. May I get Alyx some toys? Just write a wishlist, I will see what i can do.
You know, i read sunrise/set over britain, found it first in a german FF-Forum, but the translated version was really awkwards. Then I found this original version and couldn't stop reading all of you stories (yes, that includes attack of the ff authors. Would you mind sending me some of the drugs you consumed?)
I have no problems in understanding English, I just hope I don't make too much mistakes by writing it. So, please don't torture me, Im really taking trouble to write a good review, even if it contains no real content. So, just write another chapter damnit.

Deborahsu posted a comment on Saturday 12th January 2008 8:11am for Chapter 7 - Year Seven Summer

Chocolate and choux fritters (better than donuts! trust me!) cooked in nice healthy coconut oil for Keith and Dorothy--and for Bob and Alyx! This story gets interestinger and interestinger. No surprise, of course, but I thought you'd like to know.

Alyx, I think you do fine with the AN's, but couldn't Bob use a little help from you in the story itself? ;-)

Nights_Silhouette posted a comment on Saturday 12th January 2008 7:55am for Chapter 7 - Year Seven Summer

A good chapter, keep it up.

Connie York posted a comment on Friday 11th January 2008 1:15pm for Chapter 7 - Year Seven Summer

I love it can't wait until next chapter

Sheepstamper posted a comment on Thursday 10th January 2008 7:40pm for Chapter 7 - Year Seven Summer

An excellent chapter, nice to see that you didn't 'sex' scence to far 'fade to black' like it.

Hermoine's use of the word 'Bollocks' when speaking to her mother was the only thing that caused me some confusion, I thought that she wouldn't swear and even if she did I thought that her mother would have told her off - however you make up the rules in this story to which I am greatful........Sheeps

TeddyLupin posted a comment on Thursday 10th January 2008 12:02pm for Chapter 7 - Year Seven Summer

Alyx, you seem to complain a lot about having to write the AN's for Bob. Have you two ever considered picking a topic and a few general details and having your 'faithful' and generic reviews vote on which is better. Personally I would love to see each of you write stories where Harry attends Salem instead of Hogwarts. Each of your personalities would make two great stories.


btw, I recommend you and bob try bdsm to relieve some of the stress that you seem to have built up.

Christina C. Keimig posted a comment on Thursday 10th January 2008 11:42am for Chapter 7 - Year Seven Summer

I am having so very much fun reading this story! I am sad that I've finally caught up and now have to wait for updates, but I promise I won't demand more a mere 5 days after you posted this monster of a chapter (although I *am* looking forward to reading the next chapter, of course!).

I love the details you add in (Perky Weatherbee, the goofy Quibbler articles, and the prank wars, for starters) to make it more fun to read. You guys are great!

anonmg1 posted a comment on Wednesday 9th January 2008 3:24pm for Chapter 7 - Year Seven Summer

Yet another magnificent chapter. One thing I'd like to mention while it's still clearly worded in my head: I find it quite amusing that now that Harry's "gone," Ginny has almost immediately romantically latched on to the next rich pureblood with low self-esteem that she can find. Not sure if that's how you intend it to be perceived, but it seems to fit well with how you are portraying her (and by extention Molly's) character in this particular fic. Also, enjoyed Hermione's finally giving Lavender just a small fraction of what she deserves. Briefly expected a scathing remark roughly along the lines of "better to be thought a prude than to be nothing but an empty head that's smaller than the tits it's perched on". Sorry if that last thing wasn't phrased like I planned it to be, but it's about 230 in the morning right now, and I never took my brain pills today, so I'm even more tired and less focused than I usually am. So good night, er, morning, and as always, I'm looking forward to the next chapter.

One more thing that just popped into my head: "Evan" spending a day or so in the castle as a guest of Profs Lupin and Tonks, during which Lavendar and Parvati might get an in person and more extreme version of the letter he sent Hermione that one time in I can't remember what chapter it was right now. Also possibility of Guest-Assistant-Professor Black. Maybe, maybe not. Either way, fun to think about. NOW, good whatever-I'm-supposed-to-call-the-current-part-of-the-day, I'm going to bed.

rippergirl posted a comment on Wednesday 9th January 2008 1:09pm for Chapter 7 - Year Seven Summer

Excellent chapter as always.(and I'm not just saying that so I don't get hurt by Alyx).Can't wait to see how Nagini is going to get into Hogwart's though I am going to guess that it includes some of the secret tunnels into the school somehow or a possible tunnel that leads directly into the sewers/tunnels that you go through to get to the Chamber. Write fast and Alyx you do a great job with the AN and anyone who disagrees should get beat upside the head with a cast iron frying pan.The bigger the better.

ginnysohma posted a comment on Tuesday 8th January 2008 9:11am for Chapter 7 - Year Seven Summer

Another great chapter. I am so glad that this isn't over; I really didn't think this fic would go past 7 chapters and I fully expected this to be the end. So glad to see it isn't! And I disagree with Crys, Alyx. I like your AN's better. Your sarcasm and wit makes me laugh. So I'll top "Melferd's small tactical nuke" with a BIG industrial size one. With blinky lights. And lots of buttons that emit different noises but have no function. [Use it to annoy Bob.. now that your llamas are gone and I haven't seen you use your frying pan of doom lately...]
Cheers!
ginnysohma

beauty01021 posted a comment on Tuesday 8th January 2008 8:14am for Chapter 7 - Year Seven Summer

yeah great chapter can't wait for more so please update agian and soon.

kainboa posted a comment on Tuesday 8th January 2008 4:54am for Chapter 7 - Year Seven Summer

lmao. Great chapter as usual, can't wait to see what you come up with next.

keep up the great work :)

Eewec posted a comment on Tuesday 8th January 2008 3:14am for Chapter 7 - Year Seven Summer

Heating rub... personal lubricant... oooo sounds like a story that needs sharing. Anywho on with the review.

I love the story and have been a fan of yours for a while now, but I have to say, the AN's are a like a breath of fresh air after driving through London; The metaphorical trip through the chapter is interesting with occasional hairy moments, but nothing says 'End of Chapter' like Alyx complaining about removing fish guts from her hair... or hitting folks with an FPIA+5, ahh fresh air indeed.

I'd send you some fire ants but international post doesn't like live animals... I think it's the unpressurised holds on the plane.

Oh, and one last thing... readers of fan fiction are actually supposed to have brains left now?!? ooops. Having spent many many many hours reading fan fic, I'm now a fan fic author in training now, first chapter of my first fic went up monday on ficwad... so is that the first sign that the end is here and I finally need to be put out of my misery?

Jane Tamplen posted a comment on Tuesday 8th January 2008 1:51am for Chapter 7 - Year Seven Summer

OH, man, what a GREAT story! I can't wait for more - hurry, please!

morriganscrow posted a comment on Tuesday 8th January 2008 12:14am for Chapter 7 - Year Seven Summer

The Singing Penis was wonderful!! I'm just glad I was neither eating nor drinking when I read about it.
Fab chapter all up. The revenge on the Dursleys was just right, the stuff with Amelia too, while Harry and Hermione's "first time" was dealt with perfectly.