Wonderbee31 posted a comment on Friday 16th November 2007 3:30am

Well, this was a heck of a chapter, and some things that really stood out here:

Actually, I do see Molly and Ginny being a bit predjudiced, maybe not in the let's go hang 'em way, but in the way that they'd be good friends with this or that person, as long as they stay on thier side of the tracks. Ginny's poor attitude to Fleur in canon helped turn me off her in more ways than any.

The prank war with Sirius and Cindy just rocked, and loved that Cindy came out on the winning side in it, she's a great OC,a nd one that I hope to see more of.

Also nice to see McKitty realize what she had done wrong with her students as Headmistress, if only she'd done so in canon, she was always too wrapped up in Dumbledore's image it seemed, when she should have been defending her lions more, considering just how nasty Snape was to them and the other Houses.

I look forward to the continued progression of Harry and Hermione's relationship, and to see how things play out with them, as well as what will be waiting for them when they go to confront Tom one last time.

writerpayne posted a comment on Friday 16th November 2007 3:24am

Thank you for updating this story, it is very good. Can't wait for the next chapter.

Payne

EricThorsen posted a comment on Friday 16th November 2007 3:16am

I am enjoying the character driven nature of this story. I study creative writing in college, and the first, second and last thing they talk about in class letting your characters drive the story, making for more interesting stories. I especially like the concept of the focus ring that you use in this story. I look forward to the next chapter.

Kimr posted a comment on Friday 16th November 2007 3:16am

Those blushes are coming thick and fast all over, suspicions have been raised and prejudiced views exposed. It would be nice to know how luna can see what is hidden, seer or aura-reader maybe?

I can say that this is one story I am keeping a close watch on :)

zac posted a comment on Friday 16th November 2007 2:56am

Your version of Harry's TALK is by far the funniest TALK that I have ever read. Well done. The moments between Hermione and her mom are also great. I think that the way you two are experimenting with different ways of writing is really a ggod thing. It shows that you are growing and evolving as writers. Keep up the good work.

DarQuing posted a comment on Friday 16th November 2007 2:52am

I really enjoy this story and I think it's very cool that you're willing to expand your writing abilities by writing in a style you don't normally write in. The relationship between Harry and Hermione is more believable than the 'I love you, would you like to shag?' 'Oh, yes!' *sounds of amazing shagging* by Chapter 2. Though some relationships are like that.

amulder posted a comment on Friday 16th November 2007 2:43am

I like it. Interesting. Ginny and Molly sound OOC with their disdain toward Muggles, but I understand your plot needs for that. Still I can't help remember Ron in one of the earlier books stating something like: "Wizardkind had to intermarry with muggles, or we would have died out" So I have a hard time accepting that anti-muggle bias in this chapter.

But still... Someone can be unprejudiced (or think that they are) and still not want to marry someone from that group that they really aren't prejudiced against.

But that is tough to convey.

I didn't think I'd like Cindy, but I do.

I liked Ron's little nod to Hermione. There are so many two dimensional caricatures of Ron out there in fanon. It's a delight when he matures and thinks things through and does get over his jealousy, as he eventually did in Canon.

Lavender is deliciously catty. Nice put down in the chapter. Yes, Evan visiting Hogsmead will be fun, if that happens. But so will Ginny's report on meeting him be fun.

I was wondering about the metamorph sub-plot, but then remembered you diverged in GoF-year, so Tonks was not yet on the scene.

Next chapter should bring some fun Dursley bashing courtesy of Hermione? That will be fun to read, but tough to write, I bet. How do you come up with intelligent but subtle punishment?
Mechanical failures crop up in Vernon's car? Gossip about Petunia spreads strangely through the neighbourhood? Economic factors put pressure on Grunnings? Maybe a "temp" fills in for Vernon's secretary for a few days when she's sick and takes care of a few things there?
Dudley is a bully, of course, but in many ways he is a victim of Petunia and Vernon also.

Too bad you can't make Petunia conceive a magic child of their own. Or arrange for magic folks to move in next door...

But I'm rambling.
thanks for sharing.
...art

morriganscrow posted a comment on Friday 16th November 2007 2:28am

Excellent as always.
I'm enjoying the relationship-centric storyline, and the way you're filling out the characters,
Thanks for all your hard work, and keep it up!

Terry Swain posted a comment on Friday 16th November 2007 2:23am

That was a great chapter, i do enjoy your stories, you build relationships slowly. not have them jump straight into the bed. :)

PS. is this better than my normal 'Great chapter'?

Wolfric posted a comment on Friday 16th November 2007 2:15am

Thanks for the great chapter. I like the developement of the relationships. I have this feeling that someone will turn up for Remus. It might be just feedback from the good feelings engendered by the rest of the story. W.

pnthrgrl343 posted a comment on Friday 16th November 2007 2:10am

A whip and marshmallows? Eesh. Dan and Emma are starting to sound like you two!

Anyway, excellent chapter as per usual. Good to see McGonagall come around to Sirius and Remus's way of thinking. Excellent work on writing her appropriately. Although I do admit I would have liked to have seen her dropped into the pool.

Here's one thing that kind of threw me -- with Mr. Weasley's love of all things Muggle, I wouldn't expect his family to be as prejudiced as they came off here. Perhaps they all just put up with his love as one of his "quirks" and humor him on the matter even if they don't agree.

WNabors posted a comment on Friday 16th November 2007 2:01am

Excellent chapter.I love the slowly evolving relationship between Harry and Hermione.Looking forward to the next chapter =).

taxzombie posted a comment on Friday 16th November 2007 1:59am

Excellent chapter. I was surprised by the portrayal of Ginny and her mother as bigots. Never had thought of them tht way. Adds more depth to thier characters, even if it is in a negative way. As for the rest of the British Wizarding world, already thought of them that way.

Harry may want to look into getting a portal hooked up to the direct run off from a glacier. That might help some, if nothing else it will help him hit the high notes when he attempts to sing in the shower.

Fudge the drudge! Much appeciated the fall of the umb*tch. Brought a warm feeling to my heart. If there were ever a prime canidate for witch burning, she'd be it. Course the flare-up from all that fat would probably be hazardous.

Curious, might not Nagini's nailing the muggle in the basement be the cause for a touch of panic in the muggle world? Unless the body is badly decomposed, the fang bites would be quite noticable and seeing as Britian doesn't have a large snake population and the only vemonous one, in not fatal and barely averages 2 feet in lenght. If the muggles got in a tizzy might that possible give Harry and the crew a clue as to where Nagini had been?

Enjoyed Cindy's prank war with Sirius, especially her winning prank. Nice to see him ending up with someone of a like mind. Though I'm not sure if that's a good thing for the wizarding world in general. Sirius breeding little Sirius's? Scary thought! The kids will be pranking before they are even out of nappies.

Thanks again for the read. It was and is much appreciated!

amy1 posted a comment on Friday 16th November 2007 1:54am

Another good chappy! You've got a good beginner relationship between Harry and Hermione, (of course!) Like the way you have them both growing up separately but together at the same time. Which for Harry's part really should happen this way, he's got five adults helping him become a man, which he needs just a bit better than Hermione since she hadn't suffered from child abuse as Harry did. (Now only if all abused children could grow up like this! Off on some deserted island in the tropics!!!!!!)

Here's to a bit more outside world happening!

Particle_Accelerator posted a comment on Friday 16th November 2007 1:53am

I'm really enjoying this story guys. It's actually rather refreshing to read a really well done character driven story rather than the usual gloom and doom plot driven HP fanfic. Sorry I haven't piped up before and given you two your kudos. I'd offer to send you some virtual donuts as an apology, but Alyx might get upset. :)

One minor nitpick, but seeing as this is AU, I guess it doesn't really matter... canon doesn't state that Susan Bones' parents were killed, just some relatives. Chem Prof pointed this out awhile ago in one of his fics.

Thanks for the awesome chapter, and I can't wait for the next, as usual!

uthamm posted a comment on Friday 16th November 2007 1:48am

Nice! I love the prank war and Cindy is a nice addition to ground Sirus. I like the plot development and can't wait to see what Hermione has planned for the Dursley's . . . 'Won't curse them directly'? Hmmm . . . .

Full marks for an excellent job. Thanks for sharing your talents!

Meg posted a comment on Friday 16th November 2007 1:48am

Don't have much to say other than I really enjoyed this chapter!

Regarding your special notice, I think it's awesome that you guys try different things with your writing. How can I put this...each one of your stories is different from the others. They might have 'ship or something equally as...unimportant, I guess, in common, but where you go and what you do with the characters is different every time. As a reader, I love that. It means that every time you come up with something new, be it a one-shot or multi-chaptered story, I know I'm not going to be reading about a Harry who is *exactly* the same in every story, he's just put into a different environment. The fact that you try new styles, new "genres" (dimension hopper, school-years, post-Voldie, etc...) and develop your characters differently every time makes me love your stories all the more.

So, tell the haters that they can take a long walk off a short pier, and that Meg's Missing Llamas will surely be chasing them down. ;)

Thanks for the update. :)

Meg

Selector11 posted a comment on Friday 16th November 2007 1:45am

Can I be Generic reader #7 Alyx?

Gud chappy rite more!

:)

The whip first please.

Jay

GinnyLover posted a comment on Friday 16th November 2007 1:44am

Very nice chapter! Wonder what is going to happen when Voldie find out the Basilisk is dead :)

One small mistake, you got a date labeled June 27th when i believe it should be June 17th. The next date is June 25th.

cronenus posted a comment on Friday 16th November 2007 1:44am

I don't know. I like the way this story is going and how it is being written. *_*