in-fanficauthors posted a comment on Friday 16th November 2007 1:37am

A very nice chapter. I do wonder why the Granger's cannot move as well if they are worried about H&H being far away. For that matter, I don't understand why there is any particular reason for them to do so. Presumably they can install a portal and would be a step away. They would be much closer than if Harry was living in their London place.

Please continue

Rob9 posted a comment on Friday 16th November 2007 1:21am

This is a great story despite what you have said with it being different from your usual writing style. I hope that the next chapter comes up soon and you don't end up killing each other in the disclaimers, sometimes they make me fear for your children. Any ways keep up writing, I can't wait to see what happens next and I would love to read about the people who attacked Hermione, Lavender and Pavarti getting their just deserts. Have fun and don't kill each other or any llamas or alpacas please.

Rob

gadriam posted a comment on Friday 16th November 2007 1:09am

Harry angry with McGonagall. BRILLIANT. Only place i've read that so far has been in Sturm Und Drang Azkaban Hatefics. The dunking made for a nice picture, too, even if it didn't happen. The prankwar was excellent, and apart from Harry's surreal selfcontrol, all i can say is *kowtow*

g

Alex00 posted a comment on Friday 16th November 2007 1:08am

loved the prank war.

KenF posted a comment on Friday 16th November 2007 1:06am

After that disclaimer,I'm almost afraid to leave a review :)

I kind of like the way Harry keeps grumbling about being the most mature person in the house (not counting Cindy). That does a nice job of balancing the insanity of the Mauraders against Harry's much straighter outlook.

Sadly, I must state that Sirius and Harry getting plowed whilst having The Talk has been done enough. I did like Harry's "I'm becoming a monk" reaction to it, though, and the think about hangovers and hair growing out of his eyes made my FanFic Quote of the Day.

I'm disappointed in Ginny and Molly. I think they'd be a bit more loyal to Harry, but since you want to push them aside, a dash of anti-muggle sentiment does the trick.

Molly's response to Evan was a hoot. Some wastrel from the Pacific, indeed.

I'm not sure about Harry's response to McGonegall. I understand what you did, but I'm not quite sure if it is consistent or not. The fun part of that section is imagining what McG's reaction would have been if she had made it into the pool.

If anybody is griping about the form of this story, pay them no heed. You are telling the tale you want to tell, and telling it well.

Thanks for the update, and if this review was inadequate, please make my demise quick!

Alex2877 posted a comment on Friday 16th November 2007 1:05am

This so far has been an EXCELLENT!!!!! story arc that you two are writing. I am impressed by the story and the different ways that you have developed both Harry and Hermione. Please keep this story arc going.

Silly question for you both you may have answered this on the forums and I was just too damn blind to see it but do plan on doing anything more in the "Wizards Fall" universe story line, as I would love to see more of the relationship between Luna Harry and Hermione develop. Keep up the good... no Excellent work that you both have put into all of your stories. Good Job!

kellygreenpassion posted a comment on Friday 16th November 2007 1:00am

Me like that you are developing there relationship first. Molly has always stuck me as a narrow minded mother"ONE BIG WEASLEY FAMILY" ring any bells

alec_potter posted a comment on Friday 16th November 2007 12:56am

awesome chapter...thou i love your fics...i am too lazy to review...anyways coming to the point the talk between harry and cindy was just too cool...brilliantly written...the story is progressing very well...keep going. And a very good depiction of all the weasleys.

kainboa posted a comment on Friday 16th November 2007 12:53am

great chapter as usual, love how harry and hermione are portrayed as real humans instead of superhumans.

keep up the great work :)

Bevvie posted a comment on Friday 16th November 2007 12:48am

Once again a brilliant chapter. (I don't think you ever had a bad one) I think I laughed more in this chapter, which made my hum-drum day brighten up. Thanks for that!

AfterDark posted a comment on Friday 16th November 2007 12:40am

Always a pleasure to read one of your stories. I like everything you have done with it, I wish I had half the talent that you two have to write. so keep up the good work and I will await the next chapter!

It amazing what happens....

AfterDark

Orion posted a comment on Friday 16th November 2007 12:30am

I love this story. As all of your work, it's very well written and the characterization is perfect.

For example: The way (in Cannon even) Molly and the children dismiss Arthur's interest in Muggle things - and even Arthur's inability actually even attempt to understand them - is softened or glossed over in fan fiction quite a bit.

Add Molly's other prejudices (such as where she believed that Evan and Hermione would be breaking some law in doing magic over the summer, even though she'd been quite clearly told otherwise . . .)

Anyway, I feel that the characterization is great in this fic.

Also, while not even-driven, that does not mean that you aren't doing a great job with the event too. Nothing has felt forced or fake, like you tacked it on just because you needed something to happen to progress the characterizations.

Anyway - great chapter. As always, I hope to read more soon.

Highbrass posted a comment on Friday 16th November 2007 12:24am

From Generic Reader #6: Great cahptre. Kep up ze gud wrok.

(loud crack from back firing moving van, flash-backs to his maraculous escape using an air pocket he created with farts and the llama that had passed out from methane buildup)

Continuation of review from Generic Reader #6: I mean.. uh.. while the character build up can be tiring at times it must be used to move the story in it's prescribed path. That is all I can think of. I don't know what else to say. I promise I will take notes next time. PLEASE DON'T... NO!! NO, NO MORE I CAN'T TAKE IT ANY MORE. UPDATE!!!

(Generic Reader #7 leans back in the drivers seat of the moving van and puts the video and sound survallence equipment away before he turns to his partner.)

"While the torture and live burial seems to have made him a bit more paranoid I must say it has had a drastic improvement with his spelling and diction. Perhaps another test subject will be needed?"

Another man in a black suit nodded before pulling out a cell phone. He had to make his report to employer. Flipping the phone open he pressed the speed dial ONE. Numbers flashed across the screen as a scrambled line was activated before two words that filled every fan fiction reader with dread stood out in stark contrast to the rest of the dark van... 'CALLING ALYX'

LifeScientist posted a comment on Friday 16th November 2007 12:20am

Nice job. Looking forward to more.
Matt
PS, great job, guys, I like your character driven efforts as much as your "normal" writing style and found some of the bits of humor in this piece very funny indeed. You've done a good job of balancing it with serious bits and this, too, is greatly appreciated. Looking forward to more of this and hoping for more of your other major arc as well.

AnnieKay posted a comment on Friday 16th November 2007 12:18am

Wonderful job. Absolutely excellent. I can't wait till the next chapter is out. *passes out internet dougnuts to both Alex and Bob*

Jujuberry posted a comment on Friday 16th November 2007 12:11am

Thanks to Dorothy for pulling that orgy scene. I would have needed to gouge my eyes out!

Bob & Alyx, great chapter! I love Harry and Hermione's frank discussion, Cindy winning the prank war (great bit with the crabs), and the revelation about the Weasley's prejudice against Muggles was extremely well done.

I loved it! Thanks for another great chapter. I'm really liking this style from you guys, there's still a plot but we also get a peak inside the characters' heads.

Sonicdale posted a comment on Friday 16th November 2007 12:07am

Very nice.
Thanks for the comment at the end that said this was character driven. A refreshing change from your normal stories, a welcome one.

I liked the prank war between Sirius and Cindy. I shudder to think what would happen with their kids. A possible epilogue?

Thanks for making the physical side of their relationship not PWP. I, for one, dislike physical intimacy in a story just for the sake of it.

As a purely side note, I've been following the yahoo group emails. Nice fun.

http://www.ralphmag.org/AG/whip-lady373x328.gif

:)

Thanks for such a great story.

Crys posted a comment on Friday 16th November 2007 12:05am

Huh. With that intro (and ending A/N), people may be afraid to review at all, you know.

> Perky Weatherbee,
*laugh*

> American religious ritual were millions deposit form 1040s in large blue receptacles for shipping off planet.
Oh, you're just having fun with the Quibbler, aren't you? :)

> dreaming of chasing Dan with a whip and a bag of marshmallows.
*blink*
"Are you thinking what I'm thinking?"
"Yes, but where will we find the marshallows and the whip at this time of night?"

You never did tell us what happened to dear ol' Delores. Saw one inconsistency (8 to 10 to 8 OWLs) but wasn't earth-shattering.

Thank you for spelling out what happened with Nagini/Voldy.

Slow-paced story, but as it's character-driven, that's not surprising.

Looking forward to everyone's reactions when Harry/Evan is revealed, Delores's fate, Durlsey's fate, and Nagini's travels.

Shawn Pickett posted a comment on Thursday 15th November 2007 11:58pm

Great Cahpter, rite more!










Sorry, had to be done. It was a great chapter however. I do find McGonagall's attitude somewhat odd. You'd think after the mess with Dumbledore last year she'd have paid closer attention to what was going on around her. At least when she realized the situation she took steps to correct it and showed some genuine remorse. The bit with Lavender and Parvatti was interesting, I'd like to see them get pranked a bit more for their actions though, what they did was fairly cruel. I found your take on the Weasley's in this chapter interesting, I wonder what they, and the rest of the wizarding world will say when the truth outs?

Dragen posted a comment on Thursday 15th November 2007 11:38pm

What a great chapter, I REALLY love your Standard Disclaimer: and Author's Notes: they are just as good as your stroies.

Keep up the great work, and update soon.