By Bobmin
Reviews
Fenris Ulf posted a comment on Tuesday 9th October 2007 3:08am
Dumbledore saved from choking on a candy only to step in front of a bus is probably one of the most memorable moments in fan fiction. Dumbles really doesn't seem to be the type of person to look both ways before crossing the street thinking that traffic should wait for him.
Rob
Sonicdale posted a comment on Tuesday 9th October 2007 12:30am
A few points:
Liked the more "modern" reporting here. What passes for fanfic DP writing is even worse than cablenetwork news copy. Kudos for that.
Liked DDs demise. Harsh, but so was he.
Didn't like the assumptions of what was going on, but liked that it happened "off screen." I hope we'll see some explanation of that, but I've read enough fanfics that dragged through the boring details of a 14 year old's summer of study and magical discovery. Blah. It's been done, so I'm curious how you'll give us details. Here's to hoping it won't be too cliched.
Liked the interaction at the end.
Wondered when you'd leave the Carribean and come to the South Pacific. It's far, far away from the UK. :)
Liked the name changes, but not being Harry does make his character seem off a bit.
In all, a good start. Has a lot of potential. Good work and good luck.
Banner posted a comment on Monday 8th October 2007 11:19pm
That was short but *intense!* Great job - I love this entire concept. I've always wondered why no one ever presented Harry with options; realistically, he should have been (at the very least) headhunted by schools from all over the world. A Lot of powerful individuals and groups would have been thrilled to have his name on their rolls...
Frank LeTanc posted a comment on Monday 8th October 2007 10:28pm
well, I have to say that I'm really excited about this story. However, I could say that about anything y'all write.
Question. When Harry's magic and the Goblet of Fire went to war, did that also take care of the Horcrux inside of Harry? assuming of course that you are following that little bit of the Dreadful Hardcover.
Keep em coming!!!
Mrs.TiffanyPotter posted a comment on Monday 8th October 2007 9:23pm
I like the idea for this story. the premis is interesting but It seems like you were in such a hurry to get Harry and Hermione together that you rushed the setup. You have a great base for a story but I think it needs to be fleshed out more
Perhaps you could show us how Sirius and Remus discover Dumbledore's manipulations. And I don't understand how Amelia Bones got involved. Did she read about it in the paper and decided to arrest him? Or did someone take evidence to her?
Most Authors can't write this ship with out makeing Hermione in to a overbearring controlling harpy. I normally avoid this parring because of it. I'm happy to say that you have thus far avoided that pitfall. your stories are some of the few Harry/Hermione stories that I will read.
I'm eagerly awaiting your Harry/Xmen story. I love your early Harry/Ginny work and can't wait to read more.
QOShea posted a comment on Monday 8th October 2007 9:03pm
Great story. Not sure how it could be continued, but I am looking forward to reading it!
joeBob posted a comment on Monday 8th October 2007 8:34pm
To be continued?
This is a fun little story and just about stands on its own.
Of course, more chapters would be welcome but what's to tell?
The Marauders smash a bunch of Horcruxes but probably can't track Vapormort.
After a few centuries, Voldy will be forgotten but Vapormort would eventually be detected and destroyed by muggles with tricorders and phasers. :)
Patches posted a comment on Monday 8th October 2007 4:51pm
This is a great story. I realize that the "horcruxes" are still out there even if one of them just destroyed the original portion of Voldemort's soul. That is how Voldy will reemerge I am sure. Thank goodness Harry didn't destroy his real wand. I am also very glad that he still has his magic. What a nice surprise for Hermione to suddenly find herself face to face with Harry! That was exceptional. I really liked Mrs. Granger's comment at the end! I look forward to more of this story. I really like the way you both write! I won't ask who writes what because I'm not sure what either of you would do to the other. I think you work best as a team. Thanks again for a great story in the making. pms
Wolfric posted a comment on Monday 8th October 2007 3:06pm
Fine story. I am interested to see where you are going with it. I have enjoyed all of your recent work. Parallels is still one of my favorite stories. Thank you so much for writing all these great stories. W.
Machiavelli Jr posted a comment on Monday 8th October 2007 1:47pm
I'm sorry, I don't think I've ever left a review this harsh before and this is a LONG way from the worst story I've read but what the heck is this supposed to be?
Harry's character has done an unexplained 180 over the summer, with very little explanation. OK. I suppose you could put that down to Remus' lucky discovery that Dumbledore has what surely qualifies as the dumbest plot in history going. He weakened the wards on Moody's house 'in the hope that someone would replace him'. Yeah, right. What sort of plan is that? So he didn't even know if there was anyone available, he just felt like it? And by the way, he's up to vague but cliched schemes involving Gringotts, which of course will br rapidly and comprehensively demolished as soon as they are pointed out to cunning yet honourable financiers by a fourteen-year-old boy, a despised (and broke) creature and a convict.
Oh, by the way, Harry has learned Occlumency from Sirius, who doesn't know it.
On the positive side, Sirius and Remus' anecdote was quite funny and I liked the killing of Voldemort - that was actually pretty good and innovative. Other than that, this reads like a distillation of irritating cliches. Sorry to be so harsh, but unless things really turn around next chapter this is a terrible disappointment.
Tlcatlady posted a comment on Monday 8th October 2007 1:05pm
oh, this is going to be good! The almost-death by lemon drop was a nice touch too. Thank you both :O)
Dale Dietzman posted a comment on Monday 8th October 2007 11:05am
Interesting....verrrrrry interesting.
Of course Voldy WILL return, the horcruxes will see to that, but Harry has many years to get his ducks in a row before THAT happens.
And getting an internal view of Nagini's digestive tract couldn't have happened to a more deserving Dark Lord.
But I love how you have put EVRYBODY's plans in the dumpster. Now what will you devise to replace them?
Dale
Merle Corey posted a comment on Monday 8th October 2007 10:59am
A very interesting start. It will be interesting to see how Voldemort begins his recovery from the depth of Nagini's bowels... It will also be interesting to see how Harry does away from Hogwarts. Very enjoyable, so I hope the next chapter is coming along soon.
jgoodman posted a comment on Monday 8th October 2007 10:52am
can't wait to see what you have p youe sleeves for this one. Great so far!
Viridian posted a comment on Monday 8th October 2007 10:48am
Nicely done! That's a new take on the Goblet contract if I ever saw one. It moved along pretty quickly, but since this is the first chapter, it makes sense since you are just setting the stage. Looking forward to reading the rest of this.
impliedauthor posted a comment on Monday 8th October 2007 10:22am
Wow, this is really different, I can't wait to find out what happens. This is a far cry from your normal Harry-battles-politically-with-Dumbledore-and-defeats-the-dark-lord-on-his-own kind of stories. I like it so far.
anonymous5 posted a comment on Monday 8th October 2007 9:47am
"To be continued..."
Oh, good. Of all the words you write, I suspect those may rank among my favorites. :) Thanks for another highly original & inventive play on the evil!Dumbledore theme!
Dahlias posted a comment on Monday 8th October 2007 9:12am
aawww... that was cute and very nicely put. It's refreshing to see a new POV, especially when it concerns the death of Voldemort and a quick fix to a few things. I can't wat for a new chapter, I expected this to be a One-shot. Though, I wonder if Harry's relationship with Ron would be pleasent - something tells me that their friendship wouldn't last.
Dahlias
scott2 posted a comment on Monday 8th October 2007 8:46am
Sweet! :)
kcgx23 posted a comment on Tuesday 9th October 2007 4:11am